A Soft Place to Fall
by LoveLorelai
Summary: Summary: Helen and Nikki have an opportunity to experience life outside of Larkhall, though it is not under the happiest of circumstances. Spoiler/Other Info: I have taken a great deal of liberty with the actual storyline from the show and especially the chronology of the love story between Helen and Nikki for the purpose of this story.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**The characters and storyline belong to Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended. The actual arrangement of words herein is mine.

**Pairing:**Helen / Nikki

**Rating:**18

**Summary:**Helen and Nikki have an opportunity to experience life outside of Larkhall, though it is not under the happiest of circumstances.

**Spoiler/Other Info:** I have taken a great deal of liberty with the actual storyline from the show and especially the chronology of the love story between Helen and Nikki for the purpose of this story.

**Chapter 1**

_Courtyard Garden at Larkhall_

It was an unusually chilly morning as Nikki toiled in the garden. She had taken to getting out of bed early in order to catch Helen on her way in almost every morning. Over the last few weeks the interactions between them had been brief and scarcely the familiar they had been growing into over the past months. As Nikki glanced towards the gate looking for Helen, she saw the clouds in the distance. They were rolling towards her with a foreboding that could only mean something bad was about to happen. She was lost in thought when she was jarred back to reality by the familiar sound of the main gate opening. Her attention turned towards the sound and there she was; the object of Nikki's affection.

Helen arrived at around the same time every morning but today she was a bit earlier than usual. She smiled as she passed Dominic McAllister at the gate and gave a casual wave to one of the other inmates who was walking in the courtyard. She was wearing one of her usual conservative gray suits but today she had on a beautiful green blouse to accompany it. The blouse was just the right shade to set off the green in her dark hazel eyes. Nikki's spirit lifted at just the sight of her. She was falling for Helen in a way that was unexpected and elating. Since Nikki had her heart broken by Trish, she was certain she would not find love again until she was outside Larkhall, if at all. Nikki dusted the soil from her gloves and removed them as Helen approached her.

"Good Morning Nikki," Helen said casually as she walked towards Nikki.

"Good Morning to you Helen," Nikki replied with a smile. Helen gave the tiniest of smiles and continued walking. "Wait up. What's the matter?" Nikki inquired as she placed her hand on Helen's arm.

Helen felt a shot of heat and electricity course through her body as Nikki's hand rested on her arm. "Nothing Nikki, I'm just in a bit of a hurry. I have a full schedule today, that's why I'm in early."

"You don't have two minutes to spare for an old friend?" Nikki inquired with a wink.

Helen couldn't help but smile a genuine smile this time. Nikki had a way about her that seemed to bring Helen out of whatever doldrums she was in.

"That's better. Much more becoming of a woman of your beauty."

The smile left Helen's face. "Nikki please. You have to stop talking like that."

"Why?"

"Because it's inappropriate." Helen began to walk past Nikki.

Nikki put herself between Helen and the path. "Are we ever going to talk about what happened?"

"There's nothing to talk about Nikki. It was a mistake, it didn't mean anything." The words were barely out of Helen's mouth before she regretted saying them.

"Right then, well you'd best get on with your day Miss Stewart." Nikki turned back to her gardening.

"Nikki…" Helen paused, waiting for Nikki to respond but there was nothing. Helen left Nikki to her gardening, glancing back only to see Nikki still ignoring her. Nikki looked up to watch Helen walking away and began to understand why those storm clouds were rolling in.

****************************

_Inside the Wing Governor's Office_

Helen sat behind her desk trying desperately to focus on the mound of paperwork in front of her but her thoughts kept returning to Nikki.

'Why did I say that to her? Even if it were true why did I have to be so cruel about it? She deserves more than that from me, after everything she's helped me accomplish with the other lifers in here. Even if it were true...' Her thoughts trailed off to that afternoon in Nikki's cell...

_Nikki and Helen sat beside each other on Nikki's bed. Helen was tearful and had her head on Nikki's shoulder. Nikki had her arm tenderly draped around Helen and whispered softly into Helen's ear, "Hush now. Everything is going to be okay. You're just having a bad day."___

_"I don't know Nikki. It seems like everywhere I turn I'm hitting a wall. I can't get any of the staff on board with my changes and no one seems interested in making this place better." The tears began to roll down Helen's cheek.___

_"They're just a bunch of pricks, pay no mind to them. They haven't got a full brain among the lot of them."___

_A brief smile crossed Helen's face as she looked at Nikki. Helen was taken by Nikki's beauty and in that moment felt something that was foreign to her. "Nikki, I feel… I feel like you're the only friend I have here. How odd is that, eh?"___

_"Well, I'm not surprised a bit given the availability of choices."___

_Helen sighed heavily, beginning to feel her shoulders relax. "Thanks for talking with me Nikki."___

_"Anytime guv. Feeling better?" Nikki asked as she smiled at Helen.___

_"A bit," Helen smiled back. She made no move to get up and leave the cell, instead she lingered as Nikki rubbed her back.___

_Helen lifted her head from Nikki's shoulder and paused to look at her. Again she was awe struck by her beauty. Nikki gazed deeply into Helen's eyes and leant into her and then, Nikki kissed Helen. Once, sweetly... then a second time, still tentative but beginning to melt... and then again, more deeply and fully. Nikki wrapped her other arm around Helen to pull her closer. Helen, whimpering, returned the kisses, just a little at first, but then more. Just enough. However just when Helen was beginning to surrender to the kiss, she jumped to her feet and moved toward the door with a look of utter shock on her tear-stained face. Outside Nikki's cell Helen brought her fingers to her lips and lightly touched them._

Helen was lightly touching her lips again when a knock at the door roused her from her daydream.

"Uh, yes. Come in."

Dominic entered the office holding a bit of paper. "This message is for you Miss. It's marked urgent. Your secretary asked me to bring it in."

"Oh, thank you Dominic." Helen took the paper from Dominic and began to scan the printed words. Dominic turned to leave but was stopped by Helen. "Just a moment Dominic." Helen continued to read the message and her shoulders visibly fell. "Please bring Ms. Wade to see me."

"Is there a reason I should give her?" Dominic inquired, seeing the distress in Helen's face.

"No. Just tell her I need to see her."

"Right away Miss." Dominic exited the office, closing the door behind him.

Helen was rereading the message from Governing Governor Simon Stubberfield; _Nikki Wade's mother has died. She will attend the services. Call my office regarding the details._

Helen kept reading and rereading the message as she waited for Nikki to arrive at her office. 'What am I going to tell her? What do I do? I've had to tell inmates before that their parents or a loved one have passed away. Why am I having difficulty with this?' Another knock brought Helen out of her thoughts. It was Dominic.

"Yes."

"I have Ms. Wade for you Miss."

"Thank you Dominic. That will be all for now."

Nikki entered the office without a word and without any eye contact with Helen. Helen rose from her desk and gestured to the chair in front of her desk. "Have a seat Nikki."

"I'm alright. What's this about?"

Helen came out from behind her desk and took the other chair next to Nikki. "Please sit down Nikki." There was a pleading tone in Helen's voice that moved Nikki. She sat and looked Helen in the eye. Helen's eyes were tearful.

Nikki's demeanor softened at the sight of Helen on the verge of tears. "What's the matter?"

"Nikki. I have some difficult news." Helen looked lovingly into Nikki's eyes and could not keep from reaching out to her. She placed her hand on Nikki's, "I don't know how to say this."

"What is it Helen? You're starting to scare me."

"I'm sorry Nikki. I received a message a few moments ago from Simon."

"What's this about, I haven't done anything." Nikki responded angrily.

"I know Nikki. It's just that…" Helen turned to her desk to reach for the message but stopped and turned back to Nikki. "I'm so sorry Nikki. Your mother has passed away." Helen squeezed Nikki's hand waiting for her reaction to the news. Nikki was stunned and didn't move or speak for several moments.

"When?"

"It doesn't say. Nikki, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Do? What could you possibly do from in here?" Nikki got up from the chair and began to pace around the room. Helen watched her helplessly.

Outside the office Jim Fenner approached and reached out to knock on the door. Dominic stopped him. "Sorry Jim, you can't go in there just now."

"Why not? Who's she got in there?"

"It's Nikki Wade. Her mum just died. Helen is giving her the news."

"Ah, well. I'll come back later then." Jim turned down the hall but then glanced back towards the office with an inquisitive expression. "Any word on if she'll be going to the services?"

"I don't know. Word literally came in a few minutes ago."

"Oh, of course. Keep me posted." Jim walked off down the hall.

Back inside Helen's office Nikki had stopped pacing and now stared out the window, arms folded in front of her. The clouds were heavy over the courtyard and Nikki smirked at her thoughts from earlier this morning. 'Something bad for sure.'

Helen got up from her chair and went to Nikki at the window. She placed her hand on Nikki's back and began to console her in the same manner with which she was consoled that afternoon in Nikki's cell. Nikki lowered her head and began to cry.

"17 years. Why did I let 17 years go by without a word?" Nikki was sobbing now and turned to face Helen. "I'll never get that back, I'll never be able to say goodbye."

Helen circled her arms around Nikki and she collapsed into Helen's embrace. She was weeping uncontrollably and Helen felt oddly connected to her in this sorrow. Helen's eyes began to well up as she comforted Nikki.

As Nikki continued to sob in Helen's arms, Helen eased her down to a bench that was below the window. After a few minutes Nikki's tears began to subside, Helen took a tissue from the box on the bench and lifted Nikki's face. Looking tenderly into Nikki's eyes Helen gently dabbed the tears away. The urge to kiss Nikki overwhelmed Helen but she restrained herself. 'How can I be thinking about that at a time like this? She is so vulnerable and so beautiful. God, I'm losing my mind. '

Nikki reached up and touched Helen's hand that was holding the tissue. She took the tissue from her hand and turned away from Helen to blow her nose. Helen kept her hand on Nikki's back. Nikki leant forward on the bench and put her elbows on her knees, holding her head in her hands. "I never thought I would lose her before I got to see her again. I always assumed there was more time and that eventually everything would be okay with us. I shouldn't have been so stubborn."

"Nikki, don't do that to yourself. It isn't fair to you. You had no idea this was going to happen. It doesn't do you any good to beat yourself up about it."

"Deep down I know you're right Helen but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I just wish I could have said goodbye."

"You can Nikki. It's been arranged."

"What are you talking about?"

"In the message Simon, he said that you would be going to the services. You'll get to say goodbye to her then."

"When do I go? How am I getting there?" Nikki shook her head and placed it in her hands. "God my head is swimming."

"I don't know all the details. As soon as I got the message I sent for you."

"Right. Who will be taking me then?"

"I'm not sure yet, I haven't really had a chance to think that part through. Listen, I'll have Dominic escort you back to your cell and I'll get the details from Simon."

"Can you walk me back Helen? Please."

The pleading look in Nikki's eyes melted Helen's reserve about spending too much time with her. "Of course Nikki." Helen was standing now looking down at Nikki. Nikki looked up at her longingly and Helen softly brushed her check with her the tips of her fingers. Nikki smiled softly and leant into the touch.

"Thank you Helen. This means a lot to me."

"Let me make a call to Simon and then I'll walk you back." Helen crossed over to her desk, picked up the phone receiver and dialed Simon's extension. While Helen talked on the phone Nikki couldn't help herself but to watch Helen's every move. Even now, in the midst of her heartache, her attraction to Helen was almost more than she could bear. Helen hung up the phone and turned back to Nikki.

"I'll be going to see Simon this afternoon. I'll find you as soon as I get back."

"Alright Helen. I guess I should be getting back on the wing then." Nikki stood up and walked over to Helen, taking her in her arms and holding her. Helen caught her breath as she felt Nikki press into her. She returned the embrace for a moment and then Nikki let go. Looking deeply into Helen's eyes Nikki said softly, "Thank you."

Helen reached out and grasped Nikki's hand. "You're welcome Nikki."

They both turned for the door and exited into the hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2  
**  
It was later in the afternoon and Helen was waiting to see the Governing Governor, Simon Stubberfield. The door to his office opened and he called Helen in. Jim Fenner was sitting in Simon's office as Helen entered.

"I'm sorry Simon; I didn't know you were still in a meeting."

"No, it's alright. Jim is actually here for the same reason you are, the escort arrangements for Nikki Wade."

"How did you find out about that Jim?"

"I went by your office earlier and ran into Dominic in the hallway. Tough break for Miss Wade."

"I'm sure she appreciates your concern Jim. Anyway Simon, I understand from your message that arrangements have already been made for Nikki to attend the service."

"That's right. The service is in a week's time in Ipswich. She'll need to be accompanied by two officers, one male and one female, not including the driver. Jim has graciously volunteered and suggests that Sylvia Hollamby be the second."

"Well, I'm not surprised a bit that Jim would want to go but I don't think that's the best idea."

"Why not? Jim is highly capable as is Sylvia."

"Well, no disrespect intended sir but Nikki and Jim do not exactly get along and I think it would be best, given the circumstances, if it was someone she felt more comfortable with. Someone who wouldn't necessarily give her a hard time."

Anger was starting to fill Jim's face and he got up from his seat. "I only had Larkhall in mind when I offered to go. I thought, given Ms. Wades history, it would be best to have a strong team to keep her in line."

"I can assure you Jim, escaping is the last thing on Nikki's mind right now."

"Well, I can see I'm not needed here so I'd best get back to my post." Jim exited Simon's office, slamming the door behind him.

"I'm sorry Simon but having Jim Fenner escort Nikki would just make a bad situation worse. She lost her mum for God's sake; can't we show her a little bit of compassion?"

"I know your heart is in the right place Helen but it doesn't mean we have to be lax about our procedure. Who did you have in mind to escort her?"

"Well, she gets on well with Dominic McAllister and I thought perhaps Di Barker."

"I'm fine with Dominic going but since you are insistent about not having a senior officer escort her I want you to be the second."

"What? Why?"

"If something goes wrong it will be you that has to answer for it."

"Very well Simon but I assure nothing will go wrong. Nikki just wants to be able to say goodbye to her mother."

"Fine, fine. My secretary has all of the information. You leave next Tuesday and are back here on Thursday."

"Thank you Simon."

"Helen, I know what you're trying to do in here but don't lose sight of the fact that they are still criminals."

Helen nodded her head agreeably and exited Simon's office. She stopped briefly at the secretary's desk, retrieved that packet of information regarding the trip and returned to her office. Once back in her office she sat at her desk for a bit, before opening and reading the packet. She never expected that Simon would have her accompany Nikki and she was nervous about the prospect. She started to lose track of her thoughts; she thought of Nikki, she thought about the confusion she was feeling, she thought about the craziness of the situation, she thought she should talk to someone about it.

She decided to call her friend Claire. They were mates from university and she was the only one Helen trusted to talk to about Nikki. She picked up the receiver of the phone, dialed Claire's office number and nervously tapped her fingers on her desk.

"This is Claire."

"Hello Claire."

"Hi Hel, what's up?"

"I'm having a real shit day and could use a talk."

"Is it work or are you feeling bad about Sean?"

"No it's not Sean, just work. I really need a good friend right now. Someone I can talk to honestly."

"Sounds serious, you know I'm the one for that. What time are you escaping the joint tonight?" Claire loved to make prison jokes and Helen usually found them humorous but not today.

"Well, if you're available now that would be grand. I'm not sure this one can keep."

"Let me put you on hold while I talk to my secretary. Won't be a tick."

With that Claire put Helen on hold and she was forced to listen to the awful music that so many offices had become accustomed to annoying their clients with. Helen's thoughts began to drift back to Nikki, how much that woman had changed her life since they met and even more so after that kiss. That afternoon sent Helen reeling and she hadn't expected her reaction to it. Claire had been the one she talked to about her problems with Sean and knew Helen had good reasons for breaking her engagement, though she hadn't divulged all of them. It was one of the most difficult things Helen had ever done but after that kiss with Nikki she knew she didn't love Sean, not the way a future wife should.

"Helen? Helen, you there? Helen?" Claire had been calling her name for several moments but it took a bit before Helen responded.

"Uh, sorry Claire. I've got a lot on my mind."

"I've cleared the rest of my appointments for the afternoon. Where do you want me to meet you?"

"Any place with a bar."

"Right. Meet me at Jake's on Finster Street. It's a dive but the bartender is gorgeous and that should help take your mind off whatever's troubling you."

"Fine. Be there in a bit." Helen hung up the phone and sighed heavily. The last thing she needed was for Claire to try and distract her with a man. Helen hoped that once she got to the pub Claire would be more understanding.

***********************************

Helen got to the pub and found Claire set up at a table with two glasses of wine already poured and awaiting her arrival. Helen sat down in the booth looking completely wrecked.

"Before you say anything Helen, take a drink and catch your breath."

Helen complied and took a long drink from her glass of wine. She felt the warmth of the wine all the way to her stomach and realized that among all of the events of the day she had not made time to eat. She took another drink and felt her shoulders begin to relax. "Thanks for that."

"Of course my dear, now what's got you so upset?"

"I had to tell one of the inmates that her mother passed away. It has kind of stuck with me I guess."

"That's horrible. Who is it?

"Nikki Wade."

"Oh, sure. I've heard you talk about her. She's the one who's been helping you get the other inmates involved in improving things down there."

"Yeah, she's been great. She's becoming a good friend if you can believe that."

"A friend? Isn't that a bit risky Helen?"

"I know we're not supposed to get attached but it's hard when you work so closely with them. I mean I see them everyday."

"True enough. I suppose it's a good thing that they have someone like you as their governor, anyone else might not give a damn when something like this happens."

"Thanks, I don't know that I'm getting much accomplished though. It always seems like I'm putting out one fire after another. I sometimes wonder if I'm the right one for the job."

"Nonsense. You're the real deal Helen and I'm sure they are starting to see that. You're not just there to do a job; you're there to make a difference. It matters to them. So why has this one hit you so hard?"

"Because…" _'I'm in love with Nikki…_' "I guess it's just because I've gotten to know Nikki so well over the last few months. We've really connected."

"I guess it must be hard for her knowing she can't attend the service."

"Actually she will be attending the service. Apparently her father is well regarded and has made arrangements with Simon for her to be out on compassionate leave."

"That's great. I'm sure she's glad for that opportunity."

"Yeah." Helen took another long drink of her wine and after swallowing continued, "I'm going to be one of her escorts." Helen looked at Claire for her reaction.

Claire looked at Helen over the top of her drink, took a large gulp and set her glass down. "That's a bit unusual isn't it? Having the governor escort an inmate?"

"Well, it's usually a senior officer but in this case the senior officers are not too keen on Nikki given the reason she's in Larkhall in the first place. I didn't want them making things worse for her."

"So you volunteered to go?"

"No. I suggested a couple of the lower ranking officers who Nikki gets along with and that's when Simon said I needed to be the one to go. Dominic McAllister will be the lead. I'm basically going to secure Simon's job should anything go wrong."

"So far it doesn't sound like anything earth shattering Helen, what's really going on?"

Helen looked at Claire for the longest time trying to find the words. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Helen, what is it?" Claire could see the tears beginning to well in Helen's eyes.

"Things have gotten so out of control for me Claire. I don't know what I'm doing."

"What do you mean Helen? Are you regretting breaking your engagement with Sean?"

"No, God no. That's the only thing I am sure of these days."

"Then what? It can't possibly be that bad. Just tell me."

"It's about Nikki."

"And the death of her mum?"

"No. It's just about Nikki."

Claire took another drink of her wine and braced herself for what she felt was coming. She had known Helen for a long time and could tell by her demeanor that whatever she was about to say was something big.

Helen took a drink, cleared her throat and started to speak, "I…" The words were so hard to say, "I…I think I'm in love with her."

Helen had spoken so softly that Claire wasn't sure she had heard correctly. "What?"

The tears began to flow from Helen's soft hazel eyes and Claire reached her hand across the table to hold Helen's. Helen looked up and Claire gave her a reassuring smile. "I have to say that I wasn't expecting that but it's not the end of the world."

"I knew you would be the only one I could tell this too."

"So this is why you ended things with Sean."

"Well not the entire reason but it did have a lot to do with it…" Helen told Claire about the afternoon in Nikki's cell and how that single event had started a chain reaction in her life, which had brought her here today.

Claire listened intently to every word Helen spoke. Every once in a while Helen wiped a tear from her eye and looked self-consciously at Claire, waiting for her to say something.

"Thank you for telling me Helen. I don't exactly know what to say to make things better but I'm glad to be here for you."

"I'm glad too. I was so afraid to tell anyone. I was afraid to admit it to myself but after telling her such horrible news today and wanting so much to comfort her; I knew I couldn't deny my feelings any longer."

"So you're concerned about being her escort?"

"Normally I think I could handle it but this trip is going to be a long one and I'll have to share a room with her."

"Why is the trip going to be long?"

"Her family is in Ipswich so it will take a day to get there."

"So you're afraid you can't keep your hands off her, eh?" Claire knowingly teased Helen with that question and it brought a smile to Helen's face, the first one all afternoon. "Well, it's only a couple of days. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think."

"I'm sure I'm making this harder than it needs to be but I have to be honest with you Claire, it's getting harder and harder for me to hide my feelings."

"Helen, maybe this is the time you need to know for sure. You've never been outside of the prison with Nikki. Maybe, seeing her in the real world will make things clearer for you."

Helen finished off her glass of wine and looked at her watch. "Shit. I didn't realize we'd been here so long. I've got to get back and talk to Nikki about the arrangements." Helen got up from the table, looked at Claire and leant down to give her a big hug. "Thanks for understanding."

"Of course dear. Not to be too soppy but that's what friends are for, right?" Claire had a true and genuine smile beaming towards Helen. Helen smiled back, feeling better than she had all day. "Now go on love, get back to work."

Helen left the pub and got into her car for the short drive back to Larkhall. She fumbled in her bag for her keys and started thinking about seeing Nikki. She hurriedly started the car and drove away. After parking her car at the front gate of Larkhall, Helen paused for a moment to check herself in the rearview mirror. As she pulled her compact out of her purse she realized what she was doing. 'I'm prettying myself for her. What am I doing? I have to put my feelings for Nikki out of my mind. I have to concentrate on the job.' Helen kept repeating that to herself as she got out of her car and entered the gate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Inside Nikki's Cell_

Nikki was lying on her bed with her arm lying over her eyes. She was thinking of her mother and the unfortunate fact that in a few short days she'll be face to face with her father and older brother again after 17 long years.

Nikki's thoughts were silenced when she heard a rap at her cell door. She lifted her arm enough to see that it was Dominic McAllister, the only male officer in this place worth a damn.

"Sorry to disturb you Nikki. Just wanted to see how you were. Miss Stewart told me about your mum. I'm really sorry."

"Thank you Mr. McAllister." Dominic was the only officer Nikki respected and she felt he deserved that respect when she addressed him. "I'm hanging in there I guess. Bit of a shock."

"Yeah, I understand. I lost my mum about 3 years ago now. Car accident, really unexpected."  
"I don't know what it was with my mum yet, probably cancer. She was in remission for quite a few years but I don't know for sure what happened. Helen is supposed to be giving me all that information when she gets back from seeing Stubberfield about the arrangements."

"Listen, I know you probably want to be alone; I just wanted to come by and offer my condolences. If there's anything you need Nikki, you come tell me."

"Thank you Mr. McAllister."

Dominic was turning to leave Nikki's cell when he saw Helen. "Hi, Dominic. Glad you're here. How are you doing Nikki?"

"I'm alright I suppose. Do you have the details for my mum's funeral?"

"Yes, I've just come back and wanted to let you know so you could get ready. The service is next Wednesday so we'll be leaving on Tuesday."

"Me Miss?" Dominic inquired.

"Yes Dominic. I know how good you are with Nikki and knew that she would appreciate having a friendly face around so you will be the lead officer for her escort."

"Will it be Di assisting?" Dominic asked.

"Actually it'll be me."

"Oh."

"Simon felt it would be best given the circumstances. Are you alright with that Nikki?"

"Yeah sure, why not?"

"Very well then. Dominic, come by the office in the morning and we'll go over the transportation details. That'll be all for now."

"Yes Miss. I'll be seeing ya Nikki." Dominic smiled at Nikki as he left her cell. Nikki smiled back as best she could given her nature at present. Nikki truly admired Dominic and was relieved to know that he would be her escort and not that horse's arse Jim Fenner. Fenner had been nothing but a thorn in her side the entire time she'd been at Larkhall and it was solely because he knew he couldn't control her the way he controlled the rest of the women in here.

Helen stayed standing in Nikki's cell with her back to Nikki for several moments after Dominic left. She finally closed the cell door and turned to face Nikki. "How are you really Nikki?"

"I just found out my mum died and I'm going to see my family for the first time in 17 years. I'm just peachy thanks."

"Nikki, I know this is a difficult situation for you. I'm just trying to be a friend. I'm trying to help you through this."

"I'm sorry Helen. It's just a lot to take in ya know. I mean earlier today you were giving me the cold shoulder and now you're acting like you care."

"I do care Nikki, probably more than I should…" Helen's voice trailed off and she turned away from Nikki. "Listen, we'll be travelling together for a few days and I would like it if things could be as pleasant for you as possible. Is there anything you'll need for the trip?"

"I need my suit."

"What?"

"When I came in here I was wearing my suit from court. I asked that it be packed away so as to not be ruined. I would like to wear that for the service if you could manage to get it for me."

"Of course Nikki, I'll have it pressed and ready for you. Is there anything else?"

Nikki lay on her bed staring at Helen for the longest time without saying a word. _'Just you Helen, that's all else I need'_ "No, that's all I can think of for now."

"Alright Nikki, if you think of anything else let me know. I'll check in on you tomorrow. Goodnight Nikki."

"Goodnight Helen."

Helen walked out of Nikki's cell and a terrible sadness filled her chest. She wanted so desperately to hold Nikki, console her and tell her everything was going to be alright. But she couldn't, she couldn't trust herself – as far as Nikki Wade was concerned, she couldn't trust herself at all.

***************************

The days came and went quickly before the planned trip to Nikki's mother's funeral. Helen checked in on Nikki daily and their relationship seemed to be healing from the misunderstandings of the previous weeks. Nikki even seemed to be handling her mother's death a little better. She had gone back out into the garden on Monday morning for the first time since the news. Helen arrived a little earlier than normal so that she could finish up some paperwork before heading out Tuesday morning. When she entered the courtyard garden she immediately saw Nikki toiling over her plants and it made her happy to see her out and about again.

Helen walked up to where Nikki was working and crouched down beside her. "Nice to see you working again."

Nikki turned to see Helen smiling. Nikki smiled back, "Thanks."

"So how are you doing today?"

"I feel good. Just tending to some of the ones that have wilted while I was…uh, resting."

"Well I'm sure they are as glad as I am to have you back out here." Helen placed her hand on Nikki's shoulder. "Your eyes smile when you're gardening."

Nikki couldn't keep the smile from her face and Helen beamed back at her. Helen was feeling more and more comfortable about the trip since she and Nikki had been getting along so well, just like old friends. She had started thinking that her love for Nikki may only be feelings of friendship and not romantic in nature.

Helen and Nikki stood up and faced each other, both still smiling and not breaking eye contact. Helen laid a reassuring hand on Nikki's arm, "So, are you all set for tomorrow?"

"As well as I'm gonna be I suppose. Were you able to get my suit pressed?"

"Yes, of course. I'll pick it up this afternoon and bring it with me tomorrow."

"That's great. I appreciate you doing that for me Helen."

"It was no trouble, I was happy to be able to do something to help."

Nikki placed her hand over Helen's, "You've done more than you know to help me through this. I don't know that I can ever repay you."

"There's no need Nikki, I'm happy to do it." Helen felt her knees get a bit weak from the warmth of Nikki's hand on hers and she slowly pulled her hand away, very conscious of the color she knew was rushing to her cheeks. "Well, I better get to it then. I've still got a few things to handle before we leave tomorrow."

"Don't work too hard. I expect you to keep me awake on the drive." Nikki joked, giving a little wink to Helen.

Helen chuckled, "I was hoping you would be the one to keep me awake. See you later Nikki." Helen walked past Nikki, lightly brushing her arm against Nikki's. Helen caught her breath at the touch and tried to ignore the rush her body felt.

"Bye Helen," Nikki smiled as she watched Helen walk away.

Helen turned back to find Nikki watching her and she waved. Helen waved back and quickened her pace to her office.

Helen plodded through her day, trying to get every last bit of work done so she could focus on supporting Nikki during the service. Her thoughts would occasionally trail off to Nikki but she did her best to put them aside and attend to the task at hand. When she had finally finished up for the day she realized it was well beyond lock up and she had not checked in on Nikki. She packed up the last of her things and headed to the wing.

The night shift had been at post for about an hour and were startled to see the Governor still here. "Evening Miss Stewart. Quite late for you this evening," remarked Bob, one of the older guards at Larkhall.

"Yes it is. Just finishing some things since we'll be gone for a few days."

"Oh right. Escorting Nikki to her mum's service. Bloody shame to lose her like that." Bob shook his head and looked down at his feet. He was about 70 years old now and had been at Larkhall so long some say he was there when the doors opened. He was one of the few screws that knew sometimes the cons just got a tough break and he treated most of them with respect. Nikki had been particularly fond of him since he reminded her of her granddad. "She's been doing better about it for the last few nights. Not so much cryin' as pacing her cell."

Helen was taken aback by this information. She checked on Nikki every night before she left and Nikki always seemed to coping quite well. It never occurred to her that she would have trouble during the night. Helen's heart sank at the thought of Nikki alone in her cell, crying herself to sleep, no one to comfort her. "Well, thank goodness for her this will all be over soon and she can move forward."

"True enough, though I don't think you ever get over losing your mum."

"I suppose not. Well, it's getting late and I just wanted to talk with Nikki for a moment before tomorrow."

"Of course ma'am. Go right in." Bob gestured toward the gate.

Helen took her keys out of her jacket pocket and opened the gate. There was a loud clanging of the gate behind her and as hard as she tried there was no getting around the noise those heavy metal gates made. She reached Nikki's cell and looked in on her through the peephole. If Nikki was sleeping she didn't want to disturb but as she peered through she saw Nikki standing at the far side of her cell looking out the window. Helen knocked and turned the key in the door.

"Hello Nikki." Helen spoke softly as she entered Nikki's cell.

Nikki had turned from the window to face the door when she heard the knock and was pleased to see Helen coming into her cell. "Hiya Helen. I didn't expect I'd see you till morning."

"I know, I'm so sorry I didn't come by earlier. Time got away from me today. I was a prisoner in my own office." Helen smiled when she said it, realizing the absurdity of her sentence. "I just wanted to check if there was anything you needed for tomorrow."

"I'm glad you stopped by Helen. To tell you the truth I was feeling a bit lonely… sad really."

"How have you been sleeping Nikki?"

"Alright. Probably not as much as I should be though. I guess I'll sleep when I'm…" Nikki stopped herself before finishing the phrase and turned back towards the window. She did not want Helen to see her crying yet again.

Helen, who had been standing at the door, crossed the cell to where Nikki was standing and placed her hand on Nikki's back. Nikki took a few deep breaths and wiped the tears from her eyes before turning to face Helen. As Nikki turned, Helen's hand slid from Nikki's back to her waist and she let it rest there while they looked at each other. Nikki placed her hand on Helen's shoulder and it sent an electric shock throughout Helen's body. Helen tried to not be visibly stirred by the contact and looked deeply into Nikki's eyes. They both stood completely still, for several moments, before either of them spoke. Nikki broke the spell over Helen when she said, "I truly appreciate everything you've done for me Helen. You have no idea how much your kindness means to me."

Helen was overcome by the honesty of Nikki's words and the emotion behind them. She raised her free hand to Nikki's cheek and cupped her face with it. "It's easy to be good to you Nikki. Goodness begets goodness."

Nikki closed her eyes and pressed her cheek deeper into Helen's hand. She breathed in the smell of her and fought back the urge to kiss her palm. Helen moved closer to Nikki, every fiber of her being wanting to kiss this woman before her. She moved closer still and began to pull Nikki's head down to her. Nikki opened her eyes and her lips parted slightly. She gazed at Helen, whose fingers were now in her hair, and allowed herself to be moved into position for the kiss she knew Helen wanted, for the kiss she desperately needed. Neither broke eye contact as their lips came closer to touching and just when Helen closed her eyes and parted her lips, Nikki put her head to the side of Helen's and hugged her tightly.

Helen held onto Nikki, both of their hearts beating so fast and hard that it was difficult to tell who was whose. Helen felt Nikki's body begin to shake, "Shhh, shhh. It's alright Nikki." Helen held Nikki like this for several minutes before pulling away. "I should go now, let you get some rest. I'll see you in the morning. Good night Nikki."

As Helen turned to walk out of the cell Nikki grabbed her hand and squeezed, "Good night Helen." Helen smiled and squeezed Nikki's hand. Helen's knees were weak as she exited the cell and after she had locked the door she felt she might pass out from the quickness of her blood running through her veins. She discretely looked back through the peephole to find Nikki standing by the window, one hand bracing herself against the wall while the other clutched her chest. Helen could see that Nikki was still shaking a bit. Helen pressed her head against the door for a moment and then walked away.

***************************

_At Helen's flat_

Helen had been completely distracted since she left work, leaving the take-away place without her change, missing the turn to her flat and leaving her keys hanging in the front door lock. Try as she might she could not keep Nikki out of her head and the moment that had almost happened in her cell. She was ready and the one to initiate the moment but why had Nikki stopped it? Helen knew that Nikki wanted the kiss as much as she did. These thoughts would continue to take up space in Helen's mind while she packed and prepared for the trip. Helen prattled around her flat, doing everything she could to put off the inevitable task of packing. Though she loved to travel, she hated packing and this trip was not for pleasure, which made the task even more daunting.

Once she had gotten most of her things together she took out her suits and hung them on the closet door. She had carefully planned out her clothes for the trip, paying specific attention to her choices so as to make the right impression on Nikki's family. It seemed silly in that Helen had no intention of actually meeting them. Helen stood at the ironing board carefully pressing a pair of slacks; behind her hung a suit jacket and blouse that still needing attending to. When she had finished pressing the suit and blouse she placed them in the garment bag that was hanging behind her on the wardrobe door.

The clock on her night table read 2:00am and Helen let out a large sigh at the lateness of the hour. She looked around her bedroom and ran her fingers through her hair. 'I know I'm forgetting something'. She thought this every time she left for a trip and every time she ended up taking more than she needed. She snapped her fingers and walked over to her dresser. Atop the dresser was a beautiful old mahogany jewelry box that was a bit scarred and faded in spots but still in perfect working condition. She lifted the lid and pulled out a silver chain with a small cross on the end. It was the necklace her mother gave her when she left for university and she wanted to give it to Nikki to wear at the service. She carefully wrapped it in a hankie and placed it safely in her toiletry bag. She puttered around for a while longer, tidying up and throwing things away. When she finally took off her robe and climbed into bed it was almost three o'clock in the morning. She fell back into the pillows knowing that a few hours of sleep were better than none at all. The moment she closed her eyes she saw Nikki's face and came to the realization that these next few days were going to be more difficult for her to get through than she had thought. She tossed and turned for most of the night, replaying in her mind the kiss from months ago, the closeness of the last few weeks and the intensity of the almost from this evening until sleep finally overcame her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It was Tuesday morning and Nikki wasn't sure if she had slept at all. When the knock came on her cell door she had already been up and dressed for hours; standing by the window, smoking as though each cigarette was to be her last. She had been staring out of the window patiently waiting for Helen to walk through the courtyard. At the time of the knock on her cell door she had not seen her. She hoped that plans had not changed; she didn't think she could make it through the next few days without her.

As Nikki turned to face the opening cell door, she heard the familiar voice of Dominic McAllister. "Good morning Nikki. Ready to go then?"

"Good morning Mr. McAllister. I suppose so." Nikki desperately wanted to ask about Helen but didn't want to rouse suspicion. Nikki turned to gather her toiletries and clothes and began to place them in the prison issue plastic bag.

"Just a moment Nikki," came the familiar voice of Helen Stewart and it caused Nikki to stop dead in her tracks. She turned to find Helen standing in the doorway holding a small overnight bag. "I thought this would be a bit more appropriate."

"Thanks Miss Stewart. I appreciate it." Nikki walked over to Helen and took the bag from her hand, allowing one of her fingers to gently touch Helen's skin. Helen smiled knowingly at Nikki and then turned her attention to Dominic.

"Everything set Dominic?"

"Yes Miss. I brought the long shackles, for comfort of the drive and while she's sleeping."

"I appreciate your consideration Dominic. I'd like a couple of moments with Nikki before we go if you don't mind. I'll get her in tow."

"Yes Miss. Let me know when you're ready." Dominic exited the cell and partially closed the door behind him.

Helen turned to face Nikki and then crossed the cell to her. She brought her hands up and placed them on Nikki's shoulders. "Is there anything you need to do before we go?"

"No Miss, I've already used the loo." Nikki slyly replied giving Helen a wink.

Helen smiled in response. "That's not what I meant smarty," giving Nikki a playful poke in the arm with her finger. "Is there anything I can get you, anything you need for the trip?"

"No Helen, I'm fine. I've got my favorite book and a pair of headphones to drown out your incessant inquiries about how I'm doing." Nikki smiled adoringly at Helen and Helen felt the color coming to her face.

"Alright, alright. Let's get going then." Helen picked up the shackles from Nikki's desk and began to place them on Nikki's wrists. She looked up at Nikki who was carefully studying Helen's face. "I know these aren't necessary but it is procedure."

"It's okay Helen. I'm not taking it personally." Nikki gave a gentle squeeze to Helen's hand in reassurance. Helen finished placing the shackles around Nikki's wrists and led Nikki out of the cell. A group of girls had gathered at the bottom of the stairs to wish Nikki well on her way out.

The two Julies passed Nikki a card that they had made, Denny gave her a reassuring nod, and even Shell managed a sincere smile in Nikki's direction. 'Guess there is one thing that can unite the prisoners', Helen thought to herself. Dominic was waiting at the gate that led out of the wing and Nikki turned back to the girls. "Thanks mates."

Nikki was escorted through the halls, out into the courtyard and then finally to a car waiting at the main gate; the whole way Nikki had Dominic on one side and Helen on the other. Jim Fenner was standing directly beside the car as they approached, "My condolences to you and your family Miss Wade." He opened the door to the car.

"Piss off Fenner." Nikki spouted as she got into the back seat of the black sedan.

"That's enough Nikki." Helen scolded and then turned to Fenner, "Thank you for seeing us off Jim. I leave the rest of the girls in your charge. Don't disappoint me." She took her place beside Nikki in the car. Fenner forcefully shut the door behind her.

Jim looked across the top of the car to see Dominic still standing outside. "Keep your eye on that one Dom."

"I don't foresee any problems Jim. No need to worry, you'll have your hands full round here." Dominic entered the car beside Nikki. "Sorry about that Nikki."

"No Mr. McAllister, I'm the one who's sorry." Nikki turned to Helen, "I'm sorry."

Helen gave a light pat on Nikki's knee and instructed the driver to begin the trip. Neither Helen nor Nikki acknowledged the electricity both felt at the touch.

**************************

The drive started out pretty uneventfully. Helen and Nikki shared occasional conversation and Nikki would try to include Dominic who didn't seem to understand most of the jokes and playful jabs that Helen and Nikki were exchanging. Helen did her best to try and keep the mood light for Nikki and Nikki did her best to keep Helen from taking it all too seriously. With the drive less than scenic for a while Helen tried to concentrate on the work she had brought with her. Nikki had her nose buried in her book though she had been reading the same page for over half an hour. Helen was distracted by every bump in the road that pushed her knee against Nikki's. Nikki would occasionally shift in her seat and allow her hand to brush against Helen's thigh. Helen would look over at Nikki every now and again but would turn away before Nikki saw. She was unaware that Nikki was watching her from the periphery and melting with every glance from those beautiful hazel eyes.

The trip was almost out of its third hour when Dominic requested a break. "I think we should stop for lunch now Miss."

Dominic's voice broke Helen out of her thoughts of Nikki. "Oh, of course. Mr. Donahue, please stop in the next town. We'll be taking a break for lunch."

"Very well Miss Stewart," replied Donahue.

"Nikki, is there anything special you would like to eat?"

"What?" Nikki turned to Helen with a bit of a shocked look on her face and gave her a small wink. "My choice?" Nikki replied.

Helen blushed when she realized the innuendo Nikki was placing to the question. "Well, I…er…I just thought," Helen stammered trying to think of a reason why she had asked Nikki to choose. She hadn't really put any thought into the question it just seemed to come out. "I thought it would be nice that's all, for you to eat something you would like." Helen turned to look out the window, mentally beating her head against it for losing her composure like that.

Nikki put her hand on Helen's shoulder, "I appreciate that Helen but really it doesn't matter what I eat. I know how much you're doing to try and make this easier for me. It means a lot." Helen turned and smiled at Nikki. She was preparing to say something wonderful and inspiring when Donahue announced their arrival at a restaurant.

"Dominic, let's go ahead and take the shackles off here."

"Yes Miss." Dominic leaned over to unlock Nikki's shackles as she looked at Helen. Helen leaned into Nikki, "I know you're not going anywhere." Helen's breath was hot against Nikki's ear and Nikki could feel the tiny hairs on her neck stand up. Everyone got out of the car and walked towards the restaurant. Nikki stretched and took in deep breaths of free air. She smiled at Helen and mouthed "Thank you". Helen smiled back and felt the all too familiar flush on her cheeks.

When they got into the restaurant Dominic excused himself to the loo. "Probably not a bad idea," Nikki remarked.

"Right, it has been a long drive so far," Helen replied. Both ladies walked into the loo and fumbled with who was to go first and how they were going to manage the surveillance issue that Nikki knew was on Helen's mind.

Nikki broke the silence, "I'll go first and then you can pass me off to Mr. McAllister." Nikki winked and then went into one of the stalls.

Helen nervously turned on the tap at the sink and then surveyed herself in the mirror. When Helen heard the toilet flush she looked up into the mirror to see Nikki walking out of the stall and approaching her from behind. Her heart leapt at the sight of Nikki and her breathing quickened the closer she got. Nikki stopped directly behind Helen at the sink and waited. Moments passed and neither spoke, Nikki finally broke the tension, "I suppose I could go through you."

"Oh, sorry." Helen turned around facing Nikki and scooted off to the side at the same time. Her breasts slightly brushed against Nikki's arm as she passed and Helen caught her breath at the touch. Nikki quickly washed then dried her hands and waited for Helen to walk her out of the bathroom. Helen was frozen in her tracks, still relishing the feeling of her breasts against Nikki's arm. Nikki walked towards Helen who was standing directly in front of the bathroom door. With every step Helen's breathing quickened, she was caught in the gaze from Nikki's dark and brooding eyes. Nikki stopped in front of Helen; she looked up at Nikki as she slowly brought her hand up to Helen's cheek. Nikki lightly brushed Helen's cheek with the back of her fingers, "You are so beautiful."

Helen spoke breathily, "Nikki!", as she allowed her hands to come up and rest on Nikki's hips. Without taking a step she moved her body closer to Nikki's and Nikki's hand moved from Helen's cheek to the back of her neck, tangling her fingers in Helen's hair. Helen responded to Nikki's touch by moving her hands up Nikki's back. Nikki leant forward and lightly brushed Helen's lips with her own, waiting for Helen's response. A small whimper escaped Helen's lips before she moved forward and pulled Nikki closer, taking control of the next kiss. Helen pressed her lips firmly against Nikki's; Nikki pressed her full weight against Helen causing her to stumble backwards against the door. Helen moaned as she felt the warmth of Nikki's tongue in her mouth and Nikki moaned when she felt Helen's tongue return the gesture. Hands explored, bodies touched and tongues tasted. Nikki was beginning to move her hand down Helen's neck and chest towards her breast when a knock on the door startled them both.

"Everything alright in there?" came Dominic's voice from the other side.

Helen looked at Nikki unable to find her voice to answer Dominic's question. She searched Nikki's eyes for the words and Nikki took the lead. "Sorry sir. Just another tick." Helen lightly touched Nikki's face and then pulled herself away, back in front of the mirror to check her face before turning back towards Nikki. Nikki turned away from Helen and slowly opened the door. Dominic was standing directly outside with a puzzled and concerned look on his face.

"You alright Nikki? You look a bit flushed."

"Yes sir, thank you. Just a bit emotional is all. Miss Stewart was helping me through it." Helen exited the bathroom behind Nikki and Dominic paid her no attention, his concern for Nikki was genuine.

Their lunch was quick as was the stop in the loo before leaving the restaurant and getting back on the road. Once back in the car Nikki and Helen barely spoke while Dominic tried to stay awake. After about an hour Dominic had finally given in to sleep and Nikki stared at Helen who was deep into a report. Nikki kept putting words together in her head but trying to get them to come out of her mouth in a coherent manner was proving a more difficult task. She finally managed to seek out, "Do you have a pen I could use?"

"What?" Helen looked up from the report that she was pretending to read and faced Nikki.

"A pen. Do you have one?"

"Oh sure." Helen reached into her briefcase and pulled out a pen. She handed it to Nikki, "Here you go."

"Thanks." Nikki took the pen and allowed her fingers to run across the palm of Helen's hand. The touch sent chills up Helen's arm and she tried not to let Nikki notice her reaction. "Sorry to bother but can you spare a bit of paper?"

Helen reached back into her case and brought out a pad of paper. "Knock yourself out," she said, smiling at Nikki.

Nikki smiled back and took the pad, this time making sure not to touch Helen. Pad and pen in hand Nikki glanced at Helen again, who was already back to her report, and then put pen to paper not really knowing what she was going to write. It started with a series of doodles, mostly squiggly lines and circles then went on to become simple drawings of bars and windows. Nikki would look up from her doodling on occasion to watch Helen, studying her face and neck and the way she would tuck the loose strands of hair behind her ear. Every movement, every breath was being cataloged in Nikki's memory for future reference during those long nights away from Helen. Before she knew it the words came and then would not stop, nothing that would make any sense to anyone other than Nikki. They were words that made her think of Helen, words that conveyed her feelings, words that showed her frustration, desire, regret and love. Nikki didn't know for whom she was writing this ... Helen? ... herself? ... no one? The words just came and she wrote them, not trying to make sense of it, simply trying to get them out.

_No summer moons to sit beneath__  
__Sunset walks along the rivers edge__  
__Sunday paper, tea and jam__  
__I never thought I would miss it, something I have never had __  
__We pass like strangers sometimes, then other times as friends__  
__I know every move you make__  
__I cherish the times together whatever they may be__  
__Your actions state the same__  
__How I long to come away from this life that separates__  
__Never before have I hoped so much__  
__I damn the circumstances that keep us apart but am grateful for they brought us together__  
__To see your eyes in candlelight__  
__To feel your skin against my own___

_My Dearest Helen,__  
__I can't get you out of my head. The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotion__  
__and I can never repay your kindnesses. I wish I could say these words to you. I know you feel the same as I do, I sense it when you look at me and I feel it when we touch. You fought it for so long and now in my hour of need you have given in to it and I am elated. You have brought so much into my life and even though I am caged your love has given me wings. I am about to face one of the most difficult times of my life and I know I would not be able to do it if you weren't by my side. Whatever happens from this time on, I will cherish you always and I will love you forever …_

Nikki paused for a moment and looked up from the tablet to see that Helen was watching her. Helen had looked up from her report several minutes earlier to see that Nikki was intently writing a letter of some sort. She couldn't help but catch some of the words on the paper and her palms became sweaty at the realization of Nikki's feelings for her. Her heartbeat grew fast as she, more importantly, realized the intensity of her own feelings for Nikki. Their eyes caught each others gaze and they were locked in an impassioned stare. Nikki placed her hand on Helen's leg and Helen placed her hand over Nikki's, never losing eye contact. Nikki could feel her heartbeat becoming faster and stronger as Helen's breathing quickened. Helen squeezed Nikki's hand and could feel her desire for Nikki throbbing in her sex. Nikki was mesmerized by Helen's beauty and was fighting the urge to lean in and kiss her. She was about to give in when a voice came from the front of the car.

"Miss Stewart. I believe this is the turn off. Am I correct?" Donahue inquired from behind the wheel.

A startled Helen replied, "Let me double check." Nikki removed her hand from Helen's leg as Helen reached into her briefcase and pulled out her day planner. She flipped through a couple of pages and then responded. "Yes Donahue, this is the right place. We need to go to The Boatman on Bauer Street."

"Very good Miss. We should be there in about 30 minutes."

Dominic awoke from his slumber and sleepily asked, "What's that? What's going on?"

"Nothing Dom. Donahue was just checking on the directions. We should be to the hotel in about 30 minutes. You can go back to sleep if you like."

"Sorry Miss. Never been much good as a passenger on a long car drive."

The rest of the drive was mostly quiet with all passengers looking forward out the window. Nikki had closed her stature so as to not come in contact with Helen, Helen spent her time packing up her work and flipping through her planner. Dominic asked Nikki questions about the area and Nikki politely answered them even though she hardly remembered the place. It had been almost 17 years since she had left Ipswich. When her father had kicked her out of the house she had left and never looked back. She kept tabs on her mother and brother over the years through her grandmother but even those contacts became scarce as the years passed. Nikki regretted not keeping more in touch with her grandmother, had she made more of an effort she could have mended things with her mother before it was too late.

When they pulled up to the hotel, Helen got out and went to the office. Nikki again couldn't help herself but to watch Helen's every move; she was truly a vision, graceful, elegant and beautiful. Helen returned to the car and both Dominic and Donahue exited. Helen spoke with them briefly and then opened the car door. "Are you going to spend the night out here?" Helen jokingly asked, the Scottish lilt in her voice carrying a jovial tone. Nikki gathered her things and slid across the seat and out of the car. She went to the trunk and retrieved her bag and Helen's. "I can get that." Helen stated as she reached for her bag.

"It's alright Helen, I've got it." Helen smiled and led Nikki to their room, Dominic following behind. Helen opened the door and allowed Nikki to enter first. She turned to Dominic who was standing at the door. "Come back for us in about an hour and we'll go to dinner," Helen instructed.

"Yes Miss. See you in a bit then," Dominic left to go to his room.

Helen closed the door behind Dominic and turned to Nikki. "I thought you might want a bit of time to freshen up and relax before we went to dinner. It's been a long day."

"Yeah. It's a bit odd to be back here. This is where I stayed after my father kicked me out of the house when I got expelled from school."

"Oh my God Nikki, I'm sorry. I would have made other arrangements had I…"

"It's alright Helen." Nikki cut Helen off before she could finish her thought. "If you don't mind I'm going to change and wash up."

"Of course Nikki. Take your time." Nikki took her bag and went into the bathroom. Helen sat on the edge of the bed staring at the door to the bathroom. Helen knew that there was another side to Nikki, a vulnerable side and seeing it made Helen fall in love with her even more. When Nikki had finished in the bathroom Helen reluctantly shackled her to the bed, unable to make eye contact while doing it, and then went into the bathroom to freshen up.

They left the room to wait for Dominic and so Nikki could smoke. Helen thought about how good it felt to be outside Larkhall with Nikki in a seemingly normal situation. Helen felt as though she was Nikki's lover, supporting her during her time of need, and it felt completely right. Helen held onto that thought for the remainder of the evening, they all enjoyed a quiet dinner peppered with jokes and laughter, Helen even allowed everyone to have a couple of drinks. When they returned to the room Nikki changed quickly without even excusing herself and Helen couldn't help but watch. Nikki climbed into bed and waited for Helen to lock her back up. Again Helen didn't meet Nikki's eyes while she shackled her to the bed. When she finished Nikki looked up at her, "Goodnight Helen."

"Goodnight Nikki. Sleep well. Let me know if you need anything." Helen went into the bathroom and changed into her bedclothes. When she returned Nikki was already fast asleep. Helen turned out the light and slipped into her own bed, watching Nikki in the dim light from the clock on the nightstand. Her thoughts were only of Nikki as she drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Nikki had awoken well before the sun rose. She sat up in bed thinking about her mother, thinking about the day ahead and, of course, thinking about Helen. She watched Helen sleeping, wanting desperately to reach over and brush the stray strands of hair away from her face. The peace that she saw on Helen's face was the peace she longed for in her own life. Nikki noticed Helen jump in her sleep as though something in her dream startled her, then a small smile came to her lips. She moved slightly in the bed and then began to stretch. She opened her eyes and noticed Nikki watching her.

"Mmmm, good morning darling." Helen stretched and sleepily spoke then realized what she had said, a slight blush coming to her cheeks.

Nikki played as though she hadn't heard the whole comment. "Good Morning sleepy head."

"I haven't overslept have I?" Helen asked as she sat up sharply in bed.

"No, it's still early. The alarm hasn't even gone off yet." The words were barely out of Nikki's mouth when the buzz of the alarm started. They both laughed a bit and then Helen swung her legs out of the bed. She stretched some more and then asked, "Did you want to use the bathroom first?"

"No. I can wait. You go ahead."

"Alright. I won't be long. Do you want the telly on?" Helen reached for the remote and handed it to Nikki. Helen gathered up her things and went into the bathroom. As she put her things out on the counter she could hear the TV click on and channels changed quickly as Nikki tried to find something to watch. Helen turned on the shower and started her normal morning routine.

Over an hour later Helen emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and looking radiant. Nikki decided to give her a bit of a razzing when she came out. "Did you leave me any hot water then?"

"Of course not. I knew you would need a cold shower this morning." Helen winked flirtingly at Nikki and then blushed when she realized what she was doing. She turned away so Nikki wouldn't see her nervousness and went over to her briefcase to retrieve the key to the shackle. She returned to Nikki's bedside and leaned over her so that she could unlock her wrist. Nikki breathed in Helen's perfume deeply and resisted the urge to reach up to touch her face. Once the shackle was removed, Nikki bounded out of bed and stretched the full length of her body towards the ceiling of the room.

"I didn't really notice that while I was sleeping but it sure did hinder my morning stretch." Nikki smiled at Helen and then made her way towards the bathroom gathering her things on the way. When Nikki had disappeared into the bathroom Helen went over to the closet to pull out Nikki's suit. She carefully looked it over to make sure that there were no wrinkles that needed pressing out and ran a lint roller over it even though there was no visible lint on it. Helen was sitting at the desk writing in her planner when she heard the bathroom door open.

"Helen, would you be so kind as to hand me my suit?"

Helen rose from the desk and took a deep breath before retrieving the suit and walking it over to Nikki in the bathroom. Nikki was standing partially behind the door but Helen could make out the shape of her shoulder and saw the top of her breast over the lace of her bra. Helen quickly averted her eyes and handed Nikki the suit. "Thanks love" was all Nikki said when taking the suit and closing the door behind her. A few minutes later Nikki emerged from the bathroom gently stroking the material of the suit and looking at Helen inquisitively, "Helen?"

Helen turned to see Nikki and smiled, "Och, you look lovely Nikki."

"Thanks. I'm a bit puzzled though."

"About what?"

"About where this suit came from."

"That's the suit you asked me to pick up and have pressed for you." Helen started nervously biting at one of her fingernails as she realized Nikki was on to her.

"Helen, I know this is not my suit. My suit was navy blue with a thin white pinstripe and this one is black with a subdued black pinstripe. What gives then?"

"I'm sorry Nikki. I didn't want to make a big deal about it but when I went to get your suit…well let's just say it wasn't in the best shape. I tried to find a proper replacement but this was the best I could do. I'm so sorry."

"Whoa, whoa Helen." Nikki put her hands up towards Helen, "I'm not upset; I was just curious what happened. How did you get it to fit me?"

"Well, it really wasn't that hard. I just took your old suit to a tailor and had them do the measurements, then I went and bought you a new suit and had it altered."

Nikki walked over to Helen and placed her hands on Helen's shoulders. "You bought me this suit? You did all that running around for me?" Nikki smiled at Helen adoringly and brushed the stray strands of hair from her face, tucking them behind her ear the way Helen would. "Thank you so much Helen."

"It was nothing, really. I was happy to…" Nikki's lips on hers cut off Helen's words. Helen felt her knees become weak as the kiss grew in intensity. Helen couldn't control herself, she pulled Nikki closer to her and probed Nikki's mouth with her tongue. Nikki let her hands move down Helen's back as Helen brought her hands up to cup Nikki's face. Helen could feel the warmth of Nikki's hands on her skin through her blouse and she pressed her body into Nikki's. Nikki began to pull Helen's blouse out from the top of her skirt as she started kissing down the length of Helen's neck. Helen responded by running her fingers through Nikki's hair and moaning softly. Nikki's fingers worked their way under Helen's blouse and guided Nikki's hands up Helen's back.

Helen gasped at the feel of Nikki's hands on her skin and passionately whispered, "Oh Nikki." Helen brought Nikki's face back to hers and kissed her deeply, allowing her tongue to probe even deeper into Nikki's mouth than before. The taste of Nikki's mouth was exquisite and Helen could feel her sex becoming wet with every touch of her tongue against Nikki's. Nikki began to move her hand towards Helen's breast and stopped when the phone rang, causing them both to jump at the sound. They pulled away from each other, both breathing heavily, and Helen rushed to answer the phone.

"Hello?" Helen was staring at Nikki while she listened to the person on the other end of the line. Nikki was straightening her clothes and watching Helen do the same as she tried to hold the phone with her chin. "Alright, we'll be right down. Thanks." Helen hung up the phone.

"Saved by the bell, eh?" Nikki asked amusingly.

Helen didn't respond right away. She was starting to feel guilty about what she was doing. This was a difficult time in Nikki's life, was she taking advantage of Nikki's vulnerability?

"Helen?"

"What? Oh, sorry. Dominic and Donahue are down in the restaurant waiting for us to get breakfast before we go." Helen grabbed her suit jacket and started to make her way towards the door, grabbing her purse off the desk. "We should get going. It's going to be a long day for you."

"Hold up a minute Helen. What's the matter?"

"Nothing Nikki. Everything's fine, I just think we need to get going is all."

"Helen, I know you better than that." Nikki walked over to Helen and stood between her and the door. "Talk to me Helen."

Nikki had a pleading look in her eyes. Helen had been so truthful with her feelings, not with words but with her actions and there was no way she could hide them now. "Nikki, I care about you so much but I'm just starting to second-guess myself, my actions. Why is this happening now? When you're in such a vulnerable state?" Tears started to well in Helen's eyes and she looked down at her feet, away from Nikki's stare.

Nikki lifted Helen's face by her chin and wiped away the single tear that fell from her eye. "Helen… my darling Helen." Nikki held Helen's face in her hands and gently rubbed her thumbs against Helen's cheeks. "This would have happened no matter what. I think the circumstances presented an opportunity for it to happen openly, well for the most part anyway. I wouldn't want things any other way and I wouldn't want to be going through this with anyone else by my side." Nikki took Helen into her arms and held her tightly. "No matter what happens when we get back to Larkhall I will never regret what we have shared."

Helen hugged Nikki tightly and then brought her lips tenderly to Nikki's. They shared another emotion filled kiss and tore themselves away to meet the others down stairs. Helen made her way to the door and then stopped abruptly. "I almost forgot."

"Forgot what?" Nikki asked as Helen went over to her toiletry bag. Helen rummaged through it for a minute before pulling out the folded hankie. Helen walked back over to Nikki while she unfolded the hankie. "I wanted you to have this for today." Helen said as she held up the necklace. "My mother gave it to me when I left for university, it's special to me… as you are."

Helen undid the clasp and placed the necklace around Nikki's neck. Nikki whispered in Helen's ear, "You're an amazing woman Helen Stewart."

Helen looked into Nikki's eyes when she had finished hooking the necklace and kissed her gently. "We best be off then." Helen firmly stated and they both left the room, headed for the restaurant.

**************************  
When Helen and Nikki arrived at the table, where Dominic and Donahue were sitting, they noticed that there was already a variety of pastry and juices at the table. "A bit hungry this morning gentlemen?" Helen inquired.

"Good morning Miss Stewart, Nikki." Dominic replied.

"Good morning Donahue, Mr. McAllister. Nice suits gentlemen," Nikki commented.

Donahue nodded in appreciation of Nikki's comment and Dominic said, "Thanks Nikki. Helen thought it would be more appropriate than the uniform."

"Well she certainly thought of everything, didn't she?" Nikki smiled at Helen. Both ladies sat down at the table and Nikki poured herself and Helen some coffee. There was light chatter at the table during breakfast and the time passed quickly before Dominic mentioned the hour and suggested that they all make their way out.

Once back in the car there was a short drive to the church. Nikki pointed out sights and answered questions, reliving happier moments from her life. Helen looked on lovingly as she saw an innocence return to Nikki's face with each childhood event remembered. When they arrived at the church Donahue stopped the car briefly on the side and Dominic exited. Donahue pulled the car around to the front of the church, parked and exited. Helen and Nikki sat alone in the car, quietly. Helen turned to face Nikki and took Nikki's hands into her own.

"I wish I had something wonderful and comforting to say right now." Helen said, finally breaking the silence.

"Just having you here is all the comfort I could hope for. Helen…" Nikki looked down at their entwined hands searching for the words, "I need you to understand that today is going to be very difficult for more reasons than just the services. My father is admired but not because of the kind of person he is, it is entirely because of the position he holds. I don't know why he made arrangements for me to be here but I am not expecting anything from him today."

"Nikki, I was apprehensive about being your escort on this trip, for reasons that I know are clear to you now, but I can't imagine being anywhere else. Whatever you need from me today I'm here for you. Whatever you say or don't say to your family, I support you." Helen leaned forward and embraced Nikki. Nikki melted into her arms.

After a few moments Nikki pulled away from Helen, "People are starting to arrive, we'd better get inside." Helen unlocked the door and Donahue opened it, helping each lady out as though he were just a driver and not a guard in Her Majesty's Prison Service.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Once on the pavement Nikki lit up a cigarette and paced nervously. Helen watched and, though she detested smoking, on Nikki it just seemed to fit and didn't bother Helen at all. She rather enjoyed watching her smoke and the relaxed look she always had with a cigarette in hand. Nikki had almost finished her cigarette and was facing Helen when the relaxed look left her face. Nikki put out her cigarette and approached Helen.

"What is it Nikki?" Helen asked, visibly concerned by the change in Nikki's demeanor.

"It's my father," Helen turned around to see Admiral Wade approaching. He stopped several feet away from where Nikki and Helen were standing. Helen put her hand into the crook of Nikki's arm and held it firmly, knowing that she was the only one who could stop Nikki from speaking before she thought about what she was going to say.

Admiral Wade cleared his throat and gruffly said, "Nicola."

Nikki sighed heavily, "Father." Admiral Wade stood in front of the pair for a few moments before clearing his throat again. "Oh, sorry. Father this is Helen."

Helen extended her hand, "Admiral Wade I'm Helen Stewart. I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Thank you Miss Stewart." He cleared his throat again, "If you will both excuse me I need to speak with the minister." He turned and walked towards the church.

Helen let out a deep breath, "That wasn't so bad." She looked at Nikki who was watching her father disappear into the church. "Are you ready to go in?"

"Not just yet. My brother is coming, might as well get this over with too." Helen could feel Nikki take in a deep breath and hold it as her brother made his way towards her. He wasn't looking at her at first as he was tending to his wife and children but then he looked up and saw Nikki standing there. He turned and said something to his wife and then quickly made his way over to Nikki. The closer he came the more nervous Nikki got, especially when she saw him begin to open his arms as he came to her.

"Nikki! My God Nikki!" he said as he took Nikki into his arms, breaking her out of Helen's grasp. "I can't believe you're here. Thank God you're here." He was holding Nikki tightly and Helen noticed a few tears roll down his cheek.

Nikki was surprised by Robert's display as she remembered that he had sided with their father when she was expelled from school and had never once tried to get in touch with her after she was kicked out of the house. When she felt his body start to shake with sobs she couldn't help but put her arms around him, giving into the family contact she had longed for since she left Ipswich. In this moment of shared grief she was reconnecting with a brother she had been estranged from all these years. She couldn't control her feelings any longer; being here to say goodbye to her mother, seeing her father, being embraced by her brother, the emotions she had buried for 17 years now bubbled to the surface and she was overwhelmed. Tears began flowing freely from her eyes and she held her brother even tighter.

"Nikki I'm so sorry. I tried to find you so many times. I was angry with you because what happened hurt Mum and Dad so much but once you were gone…" his tears continued as he pulled himself away to look at Nikki. "There's so much to say Nikki." He wiped the tears from his eyes and his wife gently touched his arm. He turned and gave his wife a peck on the cheek then turned back to Nikki. "Rebecca this is my sister Nikki. Nikki, my wife Rebecca and these are our children; Gregory is the oldest boy, then Simon and our daughter… Nicola."

Nikki was shocked to hear the name of her niece and the tears returned to her eyes. Nikki shook hands with Rebecca and then knelt to meet the children, spending a bit of extra time to talk to Nicola. Helen watched how Nikki interacted with her niece and it warmed Helen's heart to see the ease of it. Even though they had just met Nikki was able to make Nicola laugh a bit. Nikki stood back up and looked back at her brother, they were both smiling.

Rebecca spoke, "It's so nice to finally meet you Nikki. Robert talks about you all the time."

"It's nice to meet you and the children also."

"So Nikki is this your someone special?" Robert inquired, a smile beaming towards Helen.

Nikki blushed a bit and turned to Helen who stepped forward and said, "Yes I am, Helen Stewart. Pleasure to make your acquaintance." Helen took Nikki's hand and looked up at her adoringly. Nikki gave Helen's hand a good squeeze as everyone started to make his or her way towards the entrance to the church.

Rebecca turned back to Helen and Nikki, "I wish we had more time to talk, are you coming to the house after?"

Helen answered immediately, "Of course." Nikki looked at Helen, raising their entwined hands to her lips, and gently kissed Helen's hand.

Nikki paused at the door of the church; "It's been a long time since I've been in one of these." When they went through the doors the church was filled with people, flowers and collages of Nikki's mother at various times in her life. Nikki stopped at each easel and perused the photos, smiling at some, frowning at others. Helen would point to certain ones and ask questions about them. Nikki seemed to enjoy sharing these moments in her life with Helen. The time came for everyone to take their seats and Nikki stood for a moment wondering where she should go when she saw Robert motion for her and Helen to join them in the pew where they were sitting.

**************************  
When the graveside portion of the service had ended Helen excused herself from Nikki to check in with Dominic. It was the first time since they had arrived that she was able to break away to tell him about the change of plans.

"Dominic, we will be adjusting our schedule a bit."

"Of course Miss. Leaving early?"

"No actually. Nikki has been invited back to the house for the reception and I think it would be good for her to go. She's been estranged from her family for so long, I think that being there will be the closure to that part of her life that she has been needing."

"Are there any special instructions for when we arrive at the house?"

"Well…" Helen searched her mind for the right way to tell Dominic about her plan. "Nikki would like to go back to the hotel first, to freshen up, and then she and I will return to the house." She paused to look at Dominic. "I know this is a bit unorthodox Dom but I need a little bit of latitude from you right now."

"You want me to stay at the hotel when you go for the reception," Dominic interjected. "I understand Miss. If I'm around it will raise too many questions for Nikki."

"You've become a mind reader now, have ya?"

Dominic smiled, "Yeah, something like that. I read up on Nikki's case. It was hard to find any information publicly and after seeing the regalia today I can see how her father was able to keep things so private."

"You're a good man Dominic. It's actions like this that make you such an asset to the service and why I'm certain one day you'll be running it." Helen winked and returned to Nikki's side. Nikki seemed to be enjoying her conversation with Robert, when Helen returned Nikki and Robert were laughing. Helen walked up, "That's the first time I've heard Nikki laugh like that in a while."

"Just reliving an embarrassing moment from when we were kids," Robert said, stifling his laughter. "Not fit for mixed company I'm afraid," he stated as he motioned towards the children who were well within earshot. "So are you ladies ready to go to the house?"

"If you don't mind Robert, I would like to go back to the hotel and freshen up first," Nikki replied.

"Oh, of course. Helen, you will be joining her won't you? I'm looking forward to the chance to get to know you."

"Thank you Robert, I would be delighted. We'll see you all shortly," Helen said as she nodded in the direction of Rebecca and the children. With that Nikki and Helen returned to the car, Helen looking back over her shoulder to make sure Robert and his family weren't looking in the direction of the car. Assured that Nikki's family did not see Dominic, Helen turned her attention back to the walk to the car, noticing that Dominic was not in sight as Donahue stood by the open back door. As the ladies took their places in the car Helen inquired of Donahue, "Where's Dominic?"

"He asked that we pick him up around the back, same spot where we dropped him off." Donahue drove around to the side of the church and picked up Dominic. Nothing was said on the drive back to the hotel. When they arrived back to the hotel everyone exited the car and Helen told Donahue that they would be leaving in about 30 minutes, they would meet him back at the car. Helen also told Dominic that she would let him know when they had returned. Helen followed Nikki up the stairs to their room, giving her the key so she could open the door. Nikki didn't speak on the way to the room and Helen began to wonder if she had done something wrong.

When they reached the room Helen was barely inside the door when Nikki pressed her against it, catching Helen in a passionate kiss. Nikki's body was fully pressed against Helen's, her thigh pushing between Helen's legs. Helen returned the intensity of Nikki's kiss, tongues probing the other's mouth. Nikki was moaning softly and small whimpers escaped Helen's throat. Helen pulled Nikki's jacket off as Nikki unbuttoned Helen's blouse. Helen opened her eyes to see Nikki looking at her and it startled her.

Helen pulled her mouth away from Nikki's, her lips swollen with kisses, her breathing heavy. Nikki brought her hand up to Helen's cheek and then slowly traced the line of Helen's neck with her finger, watching Helen's chest rise and fall with excitement. Nikki had Helen's blouse completely open, her bra and cleavage exposed. Nikki allowed her finger to outline the lace of Helen's bra, Helen's fingers dug into Nikki's back with desire. Both of Nikki's hands were now on Helen's body, touching the skin on her chest, stomach and back. Nikki was still looking at Helen when her hands slid up Helen's back and undid the clasp of her bra. Helen gasped at the feeling and her breathing quickened as she felt Nikki's hands moving towards her breasts. Helen brought her hands up to Nikki's face, pulling her close and devouring Nikki's mouth in a deep kiss. Nikki's hands cupped Helen's breasts and she could feel Helen's nipples become hard. Helen started to undo the buttons on Nikki's blouse, kissing her neck as Nikki ran her hands down the length of Helen's body.

"Oh Helen." Nikki said as she started to pull up Helen's skirt. Helen stopped what she was doing and quickly grabbed Nikki's hands, stopping their progression up her thighs.

"No Nikki, this is not the way," Helen said, as she looked Nikki directly in the eye. Nikki pulled away slightly but Helen held her closely. Helen brought her hand up to Nikki's face, cupping it tenderly and leaned in to kiss her.

"I'm sorry Helen." Nikki said as she allowed Helen's lips to touch her own. "I was feeling so good, about you and today. Having you stand by me today, acting like my lover, I felt normal and unashamed about who I am. I felt so close to you all day that I just wanted to be… closer." Nikki put her forehead to Helen's and sighed deeply.

"I was glad to be there for you today and I wasn't acting. I can't deny how I feel about you Nikki, but I don't want it to be like this. I want it to be right," Helen replied. "Nikki, you must know how badly I want to be with you." Helen pressed herself into Nikki's embrace, Nikki held her tightly.

After a few moments Nikki pulled away, "We had better get ourselves together, my brother is expecting us." She paused and looked at Helen, "Us…I like the sound of that." She squeezed Helen's hand and walked towards the bathroom. Helen fastened her bra, buttoned her blouse, picked up Nikki's jacket from the floor and went to find the lint roller.

Nikki came out of the bathroom looking refreshed and motioned for Helen to come to her. "I'm going to fall madly in love with you, you know that?"

Helen smiled and gave Nikki a playful wink, "Going to?" she asked and walked past Nikki into the bathroom. When both women had finished freshening up they left the room. Donahue was not back at the car yet, giving Nikki a chance to smoke. When Donahue arrived they got into the car and headed towards Nikki's childhood home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

With every mile that brought them closer to the house, Nikki became more and more tense. Helen could feel the tension in Nikki's fingers, which were entwined in her own. When they finally pulled up to the house Nikki took a deep breath, as did Helen. Donahue opened the door and assisted the ladies out of the car. Robert was waiting on the front porch and waved to the ladies as they walked towards the steps. "Here goes nothing," Nikki said, smiling towards Robert and holding on to Helen's hand tightly.

The remainder of the day went along without incident, even Nikki's father seemed to be warming to the idea of having her around. Nikki had time to spend getting to know her niece and nephews. Helen was overjoyed to see Nikki so relaxed and happy, such a change from the brooding person she had come to know behind the walls of Larkhall. If it were possible Helen felt she was falling even deeper for Nikki than she already had. Every chance Nikki had she would visually check on Helen, always to find her engaged in conversation with one of the Admiral's colleagues or laughing with Rebecca.

Of course the day wasn't without its sad moments and Helen was there for those too. Nikki had taken her on a tour of the house and the subsequent walk down memory lane. Some memories were good, some were not but all showed how much Nikki had missed her mother and the time she had lost after her father had kicked her out of the house. Helen asked questions about pictures, where had they been taken and when. Nikki answered as best as her memory would allow, surprised to see anything with her in them still adorning the walls. Nikki had often felt that, especially after the trial, her father would have banished her completely from his thoughts but it appeared her mother still wanted her there. That made Nikki hate her father even more for not allowing her to see her mother again and for not sending word that she had become ill. When moments of anger filled Nikki's head and heart, Helen was there to calm her, soothe her and remind her of all the good memories.

At one point in the early evening Nikki started, becoming aware of the time. She turned to Helen inquisitively asking, "How much more time do I have?"

"As much as you need." Helen reassured with a squeeze of Nikki's hand.

In Nikki's mind she knew that Helen was there as her keeper, to make sure Nikki didn't make a break for it, to secure her job and take her prisoner back to Larkhall as expected. In Nikki's heart she was starting to feel that Helen was there for her. It was meant for Helen to be the one here with her to help her through this difficult time as well as to give them the chance to see each other in a setting that was more real than the life Larkhall had to offer them. Nikki always felt that being in Larkhall was a bad dream only recently made better by the introduction of Helen into her life and now that realization was never more clear. Nikki already knew how she felt about Helen and with each passing minute in the real world she was starting to think Helen may actually feel the same.

The interactions between Helen and Nikki throughout the day had come to solidify Nikki's thoughts about what Helen felt for her. There were several times where they had stolen moments away from the crowd and found a quite place to hold each other, kiss and offer reassurances to one another about what lay ahead for them. Helen was sure of one thing, she was in love with Nikki; she could no longer deny it. Helen chuckled to herself when she thought about going home and telling Claire the news.

The evening passed enjoyably given the circumstances for the gathering. Friends and extended family left the residence sporadically and by eight o'clock it was down to Nikki and her brother. Helen was beginning to tire but knew that Nikki desperately needed this time with her bother and her family. Helen sat near the fireplace chatting with Rebecca who had a sleeping Nicola on her lap, the boys had gone off with the Admiral to his wood working shop and Nikki and Robert were in the adjoining parlor sipping brandy and talking about old times. If Helen didn't know they were all there for a funeral it would seem the family was together for a holiday dinner or a Sunday get together. The rightness of how everything felt, how Helen felt being with Nikki's family, startled her.

*********************  
The time finally came for Helen and Nikki to say their goodbyes. There were awkward silences as Robert and Nikki shared hugs. A moment of panic crossed Nikki's face when Robert asked for her address so they could write and possibly get together. Helen came to the rescue once again, going in to her purse to retrieve a piece of paper and a pen and giving Robert her address. Nikki explained that she worked a lot and was often out of town but that Helen would always know how to get in touch with her. Nikki knew this was not the time or place to bring up the reality of where she was in her life and it was obvious the Admiral had not let even Robert know what had really happened.

Nikki and Helen said their good-byes at the front door and then made their way towards the car. Nikki turned back briefly to watch Robert walk back inside the house that once used to be her happy home. She squeezed Helen's hand tightly and let out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Helen came out of the bathroom ready to engage Nikki in some conversation or card playing to relieve her of the day. Helen was wearing only her robe because she had hurried to get in the shower and had forgotten to take her nightwear in with her. She was towel drying her hair and started calling for Nikki. "Nikki I thought we could…" her words stopped as she saw Nikki propped up in the bed; leaning against the headboard, remote control for the television in hand, fast asleep. She went to Nikki's bedside and gently sat at the edge, gazing adoringly at this woman she had come to love. Helen was amazed at how quickly and easily her feelings for Nikki came and after the day of acting like Nikki's lover, she had never felt more certain about where she wanted to be and with whom.

Helen sat next to Nikki for several moments, studying the line of her face, the curve of her neck and the fullness of her lips. She reached out her hand and began to lightly trace the features of Nikki's face with the soft tips of her fingers, being careful not to wake her. When she reached Nikki's lips she felt a gentle kiss on her fingers. She paused and saw Nikki slowly open her eyes and look at Helen. They gazed at each other for what felt like an eternity to Helen. Nikki sat up with her face just inches away from Helen's. Helen's breathing began to quicken as Nikki slowly closed the gap between them.

Helen could feel her heart beating, as though it were trying to escape from her chest, as Nikki tenderly brushed her lips with a kiss. Helen's mind raced with all the reasons why she should stop this from going any further but the warmth of Nikki's lips on hers was argument against stopping. Nikki peppered Helen's lips with sweet kisses waiting for Helen to respond and then she did. Helen brought her hand up and cupped Nikki's face returning Nikki's affectionate kisses, first with gentleness and then with passion. Helen ran her fingers through Nikki's hair and soft moans escaped her throat as Nikki probed Helen's mouth with her tongue. With every taste of Nikki's tongue Helen felt a surge of desire between her legs. Nikki began exploring Helen's body with her hands and moved from kissing her mouth to kissing her neck and chest. Nikki still had one hand shackled to the headboard so with her free arm she embraced Helen and pulled her over onto the bed.

Helen lay on the bed looking up at Nikki. She was in awe of her beauty and actually felt her love for Nikki growing with every passing moment. Helen brought her head up towards Nikki and began kissing her again. This time Helen was controlling the intensity of the kiss and her passion was endless. Nikki ran her hand up and down the side of Helen's body and deftly opened Helen's robe to expose her perfect full breasts. Nikki could see Helen's excitement as her chest rose and fell with her quickened breathing. Nikki ran her hand between Helen's breasts and watched Helen's eyes for approval. Helen again cupped Nikki's face in her hands and brought her back for another passionate kiss.

As Helen and Nikki continued to kiss, Nikki allowed her hands to explore Helen's breasts. Helen arched her back so that Nikki's hand could fully engulf her breast and another moan escaped her throat. Nikki pulled her lips away from Helen's and began the journey to her breasts with her mouth. She placed soft kisses on Helen's neck and collarbone, a playful tongue occasionally licking her skin and trailing the luscious valley between her breasts. She paused to look up at Helen before allowing herself to take Helen's nipple into her mouth. Helen put her hands in Nikki's hair and arched her back so that her nipple was only millimeters away from Nikki's hungry mouth. Nikki welcomed the gift and took Helen's nipple into her mouth. "Oh Nikki" came from Helen's mouth as Nikki used her tongue to circle Helen's nipple.

Nikki devoured Helen's nipple, licking, sucking and sporadically biting at it. With every movement Helen responded with a tug at Nikki's hair. Nikki moved to Helen's left breast and repeated the movements that were pleasing Helen so much. Helen felt her desire rising deep within her and began to allow her hands to freely roam Nikki's body. She ran her hands from Nikki's shoulders down her sides and tentatively under Nikki's top. Nikki's skin was soft and warm to Helen's touch and she could feel every muscle in Nikki's well toned back.

Helen felt her bravery growing with her desire and started to pull up Nikki's top, trying to free her breasts from the confines of the cotton. Nikki stopped kissing Helen's breasts and propped herself up to look at Helen. Helen said nothing, just continued to look into Nikki's eyes and raise the shirt up over Nikki's head. As the shirt came off over Nikki's head and right arm both women were reminded of the reality of their situation when the shirt stopped at Nikki's shackled left wrist. Helen glanced over to Nikki's wrist and then looked back at Nikki. Nikki began to pull away but Helen held onto her with one hand and without saying a word, reached into the pocket of her robe and pulled out the key with the other. She turned her head to look at Nikki's wrist and brought her hands up to unlock the shackle. She looked back at Nikki and rolled over on top of her.

Nikki was now lying on the bed looking up at this woman whom she had fallen for so deeply and completely. In her mind she thought about all of the times they had spent together; talking, laughing, arguing, becoming closer, and getting to know each other. Helen didn't know at the time that Nikki was falling for her but it became evident that afternoon in her cell. For Nikki their friendship had grown into something much more and now it was clear to her that it had for Helen as well. With both hands now free Nikki held Helen's face, languishing in the nearness of her, gazing deeply into her eyes and looking so lovingly upon this woman. Nikki ran her fingers through Helen's hair, down her neck and back while removing the robe from her body completely. Helen became aware of her nakedness and blushed; Nikki smiled and kissed Helen deeply, passionately. Helen returned the kiss with equal emotion and passion.

They lay there for the longest time, locked in a passionate embrace of kissing and touching, learning the curves of each others bodies and then Helen could no longer control herself. She began kissing down Nikki's neck and chest, her hands feeling her way to Nikki's breasts. Nikki's breathing was now becoming more rapid, matching Helen's. When she had reached the valley between Nikki's breasts she stopped and looked up at her. Helen gave a brief smile and took Nikki's left breast into her hand and placed her mouth on her nipple. Helen became ravenous for every part of Nikki and sucked, licked and bit her nipple as though it was the last bit of food she would ever eat. Nikki moaned out in pleasure and Helen moved to Nikki's right breast and repeated the motions adding an occasional squeeze with her hand. Helen kissed her way down Nikki's belly and hips while removing her pajama bottoms. Nikki assisted by lifting her bottom off the bed and Helen could smell the sweet nectar between Nikki's legs. Helen was preparing to spread Nikki's legs when Nikki pulled her up and kissed her hard, probing her tongue deep into Helen's mouth. Nikki rolled Helen back over onto the bed and kissed her feverishly while exploring Helen's body with her hands.

Nikki kissed Helen's neck and chest, revisiting her breasts on her way down her belly. Nikki allowed her hand to run down the side of Helen's outer thigh and then started up her inner thigh. She stopped for a moment and brought herself back up to face Helen. Nikki bathed Helen's neck and face with tender kisses and whispered softly, "Can I touch you?"

Helen grabbed Nikki's face, her breath quickened and she let out an excited "Yes". Without losing eye contact, Nikki continued to run her hand up the inside of Helen's thigh and gently touched her sex. Nikki gasped at the wetness she felt and Helen moaned with every touch. Nikki spread Helen's lips and touched her clit gently. Nikki circled Helen's clit with her finger and felt it get hard at her touch. Nikki moved her face down Helen's body while she showered her skin with kisses. Nikki reached Helen's sex and her mouth watered with the anticipation of tasting her.

As Nikki continued to rub Helen's clit she began to move her hips to match Nikki's rhythm. When she had raised her hips off the bed Nikki allowed the tip of her tongue to taste the sweet bud of Helen's sex. Helen moaned loudly as Nikki took her clit fully into her mouth. Nikki circled and sucked Helen's clit and felt it get harder and harder in her mouth. Nikki slid one finger into the wet sweetness of Helen's sex and felt Helen's hands grip her hair. She began moving her finger in and out of Helen while she sucked on her clit and Helen writhed in pleasure. She could feel Helen's skin getting hot against her body and her breathing became heavy and fast. Nikki slid another finger inside Helen and she moaned, "Oh yes."

Nikki removed her mouth and quickly came back up to face Helen, she placed a long full kiss on her lips and Helen readily accepted her tongue. Nikki began rubbing her thumb against Helen's clit and moved her fingers in and out at a faster pace. Nikki kissed Helen's neck and shoulders as Helen moved her hips up to meet Nikki's hand. Helen grabbed Nikki's head and looked directly at her. "Oh…oh Nikki…I…oh…oh Nikki…"

Nikki could feel that Helen was close to the edge and she probed her fingers deeper into her. Helen held onto Nikki's neck with one hand gripping her hair tightly at the nape. Helen's other hand was now holding on desperately to Nikki's shoulder and Nikki winced a bit at the exquisite pain she felt as Helen's nails dug in. Nikki felt more love for this woman at this moment than she had before and the look in her eyes conveyed that to Helen. Helen was on the verge now, Nikki increased her rhythm into her and curled her fingers inside of Helen, reaching the spot that made Helen begin to bear down on Nikki's fingers and she looked deeply into her eyes. "Nikki, I…I…I love you…" and her body shuddered with pleasure.

Nikki buried her face into Helen's neck as she felt the climax around her fingers, still deep inside Helen. "I love you Helen", she whispered into Helen's ear. Helen held on to Nikki tightly knowing that this moment had changed both of their lives forever.

Tears came to Helen's eyes as she listened to Nikki's soft breathing in her ear. She squeezed her tightly, her body still shuddering from the intensity of her orgasm, and gently began stroking Nikki's hair. Nikki lifted her head to look at Helen, saw a tear roll down her cheek and brushed it away with her lips, "No tears Helen."

Helen looked deeply into Nikki's eyes; she brought her head up to meet Nikki's, "Happy tears" and kissed Nikki. They languished in the kiss for the longest time and entwined their bodies into each other. Helen could no longer hold back her desire to please Nikki and her kisses became more passionate. Helen rolled Nikki on to her back and put her body between Nikki's legs. Helen quickly made her way down the length of Nikki's body, taking time out to enjoy Nikki's breasts with her hands and the feel of her nipples in her mouth. Helen kissed and licked her way down Nikki's belly to her sex. She paused long enough to acknowledge that her own excitement was matching Nikki's. Helen brought her mouth to Nikki's sex and heard Nikki moan with pleasure. Helen allowed her tongue to explore the sweetness of Nikki's sex and found her rhythm as Nikki moved her hips to meet Helen's tongue.

Helen found the spot that made Nikki cry out, "God yes!" and she continued to suck Nikki's clit until she heard Nikki draw in a deep breath and bear down on Helen's tongue which she now moved deep into Nikki's sex. Nikki's legs tightened around Helen's head as she grabbed hold of Helen's hair crying out with her increased pleasure, "oh yes, Oh Yes, OH YES!" Nikki's body shuddered for a few moments and then relaxed, her legs falling to the side.

Helen kissed and sucked Nikki's sex, drinking every last bit of the sweet nectar found there before beginning her journey to Nikki's mouth, stopping along the way to taste the sweat on her belly and feel the hardness of her nipples. When face to face again with Nikki, she had a pleasured smile on her lips and she reached up to meet Helen's awaiting mouth, the mix of sweat and sex made them both drunk with pleasure as they kissed and held each other.

They made love for several more hours, each time bringing each other to greater heights of pleasure, neither wanting the evening to end. When exhaustion finally took hold of their bodies they lay facing each other, holding on tightly, Helens face resting on Nikki's chest. Nikki knew that morning would come too soon and thoughts of tomorrow weighed heavily on Helen's mind before sleep took hold of them both.

*********************

It had felt like only minutes had passed since she had closed her eyes when the phone roused Helen from sleep. She reached over Nikki's still sleeping body and lifted the receiver. A husky, sleepy "Hello?" came from Helen's mouth.

"Good morning, this is the front desk with your wake up call", the voice on the other end stated, sounding extremely chipper.

"Yes, thank you," Helen returned the receiver to the phone and looked at Nikki beneath her who was now awake and stroking Helen's back.

"Time for the dream to come to an end" Nikki spoke as Helen put her forehead to Nikki's.

"Guess so", Helen replied. Nikki cupped Helen's face in her hands and kissed her softly and lovingly. Helen returned Nikki's kiss tenderly and filled with the love that she felt for Nikki. They made love again with the intensity of their orgasms expressing everything neither of them could say.

When they had finished Helen surprised Nikki, and herself, by leading Nikki to the shower. There was little washing being done, most of the time was spent kissing, touching and holding each other. Nikki was trying to memorize every part of Helen's body, knowing that her memories would be the only thing she would be able to hold after they walked out the door of the hotel room. They finished getting ready in silence, each watching the other through every movement of brushing teeth, combing hair, dressing and packing. Helen's thoughts were about the normalcy of being with Nikki like this and her heart ached at the knowledge that it may never be.

Breakfast was delivered to the room shortly after they had finished getting ready. They sat across from each other at the breakfast trolley, neither one eating much and only sipping their coffee. Nikki had her hand resting on the table and Helen reached across to hold it. Their eyes met and Nikki squeezed Helen's hand. Nikki stood up from the table and pulled Helen to her. They embraced neither speaking; only the sound of their breathing and heartbeats could be heard between them. The trip back to Larkhall would be a long and torturous one, each knowing how different life on the inside would now be.

The End


End file.
